Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Forward.

I'm not really the type of person who forwards on emails, or believes in the whole "chain" thing.

While this isn't technically a forward, it's a piece that was published in today's Capital Press.

And I thought it was pretty stinking hilarious. And pretty true.

I also took the liberty to "enter" various friends in these events...see if you agree!


By D. "BING" BINGHAM
For the Capital Press


Dear Winter Olympic Committee:

The Winter Olympics are a fine event and will be starting soon in Canada. I appreciate the way organizers have added new sports to the games in an effort to attract increased interest.

However, I'd like to suggest you consider adding events which would appeal to people in agriculture. After all, a great deal of the world is agrarian. Here are some ideas:

Strength and endurance are hallmarks of the Winter Olympics. Nowhere would this be more evident than a winter time Stock Tank Ice Chopping contest. To add a little pressure to this event, toss in about 300 thirsty range cattle standing in a circle bawling to get at the water.

After this week's weather, I think Kristi is a shoe-in for this! She definitely had practice.

Speed events like Downhill Skiing and Bobsled Racing are legendary in the games. However, they pale in comparison to the raw speed of a Small Town Rumor Race traveling from one end of a small agricultural community to the other. Please note computer assistance may be needed to time this race. I doubt there's a human on the Earth fast enough.

I'd make a comment about the town I live in here - but I still want to be able to go to work on Monday - so I won't.

An inclusive Winter Olympics would, of course, have something for the ladies showcasing their speed, skill and dexterity. The Insulated Coveralls Race to the Bathroom would start with a dash across a muddy barnyard. Then finish with a display of dexterity as she removes her insulated coveralls in an effort to use the facilities in a timely fashion. This event would be cheered by millions of women across the globe.

Now this is where Miss Tammy would excel! I hear she is one who loves her layers!

Team events that combine hand-eye coordination in the winter are important. In the Feed Truck Race, the husband would traverse a pasture filled with hungry mother cows -- and a bunch of silly January and February calves racing in all directions -- in a flatbed feed truck without bumping or squashing anything. Points would be given for not knocking his wife off the truck.

Karl & Jeanne - they'd be unstoppable!

Meanwhile, the wife, in a display of strength and endurance, would jump up and down on the moving truck breaking apart frozen bales of alfalfa hay. Points would be deducted for screaming, yelling or cussing by either party. I'm sure agriculture could supply a rich field of competitors for this event.

Finally, it's not all Olympic medals. The Wet Stockdog Shake demonstration wouldn't be a timed event. For this, a ranch family, dressed in clean clothes as though they're going to town or church, would be given points for the most artful or athletic dodge made when a muddy wet stock dog shakes off in their vicinity. All points would be forfeited for kicking the dog.

The Murdock Family would win this hands down - they have two dogs that give them plenty of practice!

Adding these events to the future Winter Olympics would likely increase interest in these games. Besides that, it would give tired agricultural families a little more of a break before they gear up for the spring activities.


Have a great weekend!

1 comment:

  1. Oh sweet girl..I totally LOVED this post! How did you know I had on a pair of Pat's long underwear at the Cattleman's dinner !?!? :D ha, ha..This post brought a total laugh to my day...I think our "daily work" should qualify us for the Olympics :D I am soooo glad God has given me the opportunity to know you...you are a Sweet blessing..and THANK YOU for helping Linds yesterday..I so wished I could of joined you girls...maybe next time :D Sweet blessings!

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your comments and I know it takes time to write them, so thank you!  I hope you & your day is successful!