Thursday, October 28, 2010

What the heart knows.

I've been a little off-center in my professional life lately.

My routine has been not-so-routine.

Time seems to seep through my day like sand through fingers.

Words & comments have slipped out of my mouth that I don't recognize as my own.

Things outside of my control seem larger than those that are in my control.

My confidence has been a bit shaken.

And I've been grasping trying to be the best {me}.

...........................

"What the heart knows by heart is all that can calm the heart."

...........................

Don't get me wrong - October has been a great month with some great experiences.

I've laughed a lot and gotten to catch up with old friends who I rarely get to see.

And my personal life & time at home have been the biggest blessings.

But in those quiet moments when I'm alone after work, or during a break...

I just haven't been {sure}.

There have been some nights I've laid in bed totally exhausted...and yet my mind can't be stilled.

A single event will replay over and over in my mind like a skipping CD that you can't get to the stop button fast enough.

Did I do the right thing? React the right way? Say the right words?

Is it all a test?

A test to see what we're made of?

How we react in the moments of doubt?

How we respond to our peers when we can't begin to comprehend why they've responded in the way we have?

A test of gratitude?

Or is it just a matter of time?

...........................

"God gives us time and then we say we don’t have time for God."

...........................

It's a little amazing to me how on those nights when I can't still my mind....

I start praying....

And the next thing I know is my alarm is going off to sound a new day.

Blank slate.

New beginning.

Fresh opportunity.

I just have to grasp it.

And the glorious thing of it all, is that He's given me more time.

More time to grow.

More time to reflect.

More time to love.

And more time to serve.

...........................

-Both the bolded qutoes by Ann Voskamp

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